Talking butt stuff with an anal toy expert

Welcome to the electric rodeo, an adult toy mega store podcast about sex pleasure, relationships and everything in between. I'm your host, Emma Hewitt, a sex educator and sex toy enthusiast. Every episode, I take a deep dive into a fascinating new topic. Talk to experts and answer common sex questions because sex is normal, messy, pleasurable, intimidating, and a hell of a lot of fun. Let's take a ride.

I think first and most important thing to remember is that, you know, you don't go from zero to penis. If your end goal is penetration, whether that be with a DDO or a penis, you're going to what we call anal train.

I'm talking to Alicia Sinclair. She's a certified sex educator and CEO of children of the revolution, the parent company of some of my favorite sex toys: Le Wand, the cowgirl. And of course, B vibe, a brand dedicated to booty pleasure. You guessed it. We are talking anal, play the good, the bad, and the butt plugs, no matter what you have going on at the front, our butts have a whole lot of pleasure, potential nerve endings, sphincter muscles, the prostate, and the internal structure of the clitoris can all be stimulated via the anus, but it's still a part of the body that is considered taboo by many. We surveyed the ATMS database about their anal play habits. And while 70% of respondents have had anal sex, it's only a regular part of the sexual routine for percent of those responders. And that makes total sense. If it's business in the front, then anal play is the party at the back.

And this party requires a little prep and a whole lot of lubricant to make it comfortable because when it comes to anal play lube is your friend. I talk to Alicia about who who's doing it, how they are doing it, why it feels good, and which group of people is the most hesitant to explore their own butts. And I'll be honest. The answer to that probably won't surprise you, but we start with how Alicia got her start in the world of sex tech and building a booty brand empire, like many in this industry. She sort of into it, fell in love with it. Then noticed a gap in the market that needed to be filled.

After college. I moved down to Los Angeles. That's where my sister was living, wanted to be close to her. And I was looking for a job and actually answered an ad on Craigslist. <laugh> to be quite on slipped on a banana peel. That advertisement was for one who was open-minded mm-hmm <affirmative> and they were paying a little bit more than most other jobs that I was looking at. And when I arrived, it actually happened to be a really large sex toy manufacturer. And I was a little nervous and weirded out in the beginning, but the people were really nice and, you know, getting to know the company, I felt like I could actually make an impact, like what was available in the marketplace at the time was such crap. And we're talking about almost 20 years ago. And I was really one of the only college educated <affirmative> and women working in the industry at the time. So that's how I got my start actually was kind of by accident.

And you grew up Mormon. So how did you tell people what you did for work? What do your family and friends think about it?

You know, for the first, I would say about 10 years of my a career, I actually didn't tell people what I did. I would kind of disguise and say, well, I work for this novelty toy manufacturer. And I would just talk about the bachelorette and gag gifts that we made. And it wasn't until I would say about 10 years until I felt confident enough and proud enough of what I had done to actually tell people, you know, what? I work in a sex tech, I work for a company who's doing, you know, really great things. And then eventually when we started our own company, then I was really proud to tell, tell people what I did, because I was excited about what our company was doing in the business.

And B I was your first brand if I correct. So where did the idea come from?

Well, prior to founding COTR, I worked for a company called Jimmy Jane, who was a very small boutique high-end brand. And I had proposed several times, you know, we're talking now, let's see, you know, seven, eight years ago. And I had proposed to create high quality premium anal products that were body safe. No one had done that at the time. And I just felt there was a huge opportunity and these folks really wanted nothing to do with the anal category. And when we split ways that company was acquired and I ended up, you know, uh, separating from them. And when we started COTR, I had the idea in my head, the there's no one company that just makes high quality anal product. And I had taken at the time I was becoming a certified sex educator and I had taken a class called non vanilla sex, which was AKA anal play and fetish. And there was a specific thing that I remember, which is there's a ton of nerve endings in the anal opening.  And I thought to myself, there's not a single butt plug that stimulates that area. And what if we took like a rabbit and like made it into a butt plug. So it was really just a simple idea, but thus became the rimming plug. So that was really where B vibe came from.

So let's talk a little bit about butt stuff then what does this term encompass and why does it feel so good?

Uh, so butt stuff is basically thing in my mind that it involves erotic butt play. So that could be everything from worship, anal massage, penetration, butt plug play, uh, you know, like the entire category, you know, lots of people think about sex in general and they consider that just penetration, but there's a lot more, you know, an overall erotic play. And then why does it feel good? Well, if you have a penis you most likely have a prostate and the prostate is an intense source of pleasure and that could really most successfully be stimulated through the anal a canal. And if you have a vagina, you most likely have a CLI. And what you see on the outside of the body is what we say is like an iceberg. It's just the tip of the clitoris. There's a large internal structure and because the anal canal and the vaginal canal, or as I say next door neighbors, right.

With a very thin wall between them, whenever you put something inside the anal canal, it actually pushes up towards the inter clitoris or the vaginal canal. And it stimulates what we call the a spot, which is really just parts of the clitoris. Um, also applies pressure, right? So it puts pressure in towards the vaginal canal kind of like shortens it. So that can feel really good, especially if you're putting something in your vagina at the same time. Right. Also kind of makes everything feel tight. So there's that pressure. And then also you're stimulating the internal clitoris. So there's lots of, <laugh> lots of yummy stuff going on, not to mention the anal sphincter right. Which is the entry of it. So

Yeah, there's a lot of fun to be head in that area. <laugh>

Definitely

Now, there seems to be a real fascination with anal play. And I think that's a mix of both positive and negative. Why do you think that humans are just so obsessed with the, butt?

I think anytime something is anytime we're sort of told not to do something or it's hidden or mysterious or taboo, it adds this different layer that makes us more curious about it. It's like if someone tells you, like, don't look behind that door, like, all you wanna do is look behind that door. And I think that's the same thing with anal play. And it's also sort of like a 2 0 1 activity, as I say. So like, you get all of this time to play typically, like you would play with your like front stuff and play with somebody else's front stuff. And maybe you would do that with like, you know, a couple different people and then sort of like, what's next. I think mm-hmm <affirmative> so it's like a natural, you know, for me it seems like it'd be like the next frontier.

And do you think that the internet and mainstream porn have had an impact on normalizing anal play over the last little while? Do you think that it means that people are more interested in stimulating the anus now?

I think the internet, when I think about yes, to answer your question, like simply yes, I do. I think definitely people are curious and wanna replicate things that they see or, you know, specifically in poor and they wanna try things. And I also think, you know, when we're talking about the internet also, there's so much more education mm-hmm <affirmative> and information available in a sex positive way that, or like how to guides and normalizing and like, you know, making things shame free and removing stigma. And I think the internet has really sort of facilitated that sharing of information that has made people, you know, maybe more willing because they have more information at hand to do it successfully.

And What about CIS hetero men in particular? So this might be a little bit of a generalization, but in my experience, this group is kind of the least hesitant, I guess, to explore their own bodies, regardless of all of the pleasure of potential that exists there. Do you think that this is true in your work? And if so, why?

Yes. I think that CI hetero men would be the general category that just wanna give, just wants to give doest, wanna receive. Exactly. Yes. I think that's for sure. I think a lot of that has to do with toxic masculinity. Right? Sort of this idea of what makes a man, a man, I think anything that involves receiving is considered feminine. Uh, if you think about it from say a CIS hetero woman's perspective, you know, speaking for myself, like we're used to like having things in our mouth, our vagina, our buts, like we're used to being the receivers and that's quite the opposite for somebody who's, you know, a man for example, like they're used to being the giver. And I think that is considered a feminine act to receive something. So I think that's where that hesitancy comes from. And there's just like a lot of the very rigid rules around being a man. And I think that anal play is really a mind trip for most men. And

Do you think that that's shifted a little bit, do you think that men are becoming more open to it or has it not really changed?

I think men are becoming more open to it in general. Yes. I think also gender is changing for younger generations. What the relationship with gender is. I wanna say there's at least in my experience here in the United States, it feels like there's a large group of folks who are really like challenging what it means to even just the spectrum of gender, like sort of wanting to be removed from it. So I do think that that's changing and I think in really interesting ways,

Are there any myths around anal play that you would like to dispel?

Yes. I think for me the number one myth that I always like to dispel, I guess specifically, because, you know, if I'm being a little selfish, <laugh>, it applies to me, but it would be that anal play for women has to hurt in a heterosexual relationship or that it's something that you do for your partner. And it's not something that say you would, you would enjoy. And I feel like that's a very disempowering narrative because it's essentially saying that as a woman, and this is the common story that I hear, I'm gonna have a drink. It it's Christmas, father's day, something like this. And I'm just gonna like, this is my present. If you will, I'm gonna take this pain. I'm gonna take this pain. It's not gonna feel good for me. And this is what I'm giving my partner is this painful experience for me. And I just feel that that is such a, we're preparing our partners for something that's not to hurt us. And I just, I don't like that. So my point is like, anal play feels good for women. And I also think that all sexual relationships should feel good for both partners.

Yeah. That leads really nicely into the next question actually, which is around sort of like the ins and outs of anal play. So unlike what we see in porn, the majority of us are not ready at the drop of a hat, always to go into any kind of anal play. So what do you think we need to know about hygiene and how can we actually prepare ourselves so that it is a pleasurable experience?

Yeah. So specifically the things that you wanna to do beforehand and the things that the people who are in porn have done mm-hmm <affirmative> that you didn't see right? The off camera. Yeah. Is I think first and most important thing to remember is that, you know, you don't go from zero to penis. If you're end goal is penetration, whether that be with a DDO or a penis, you're gonna, what we call anal train. And basically what that means. It's just like going to the gym, right? You would never lift a hundred pounds, just go into the gym, lifting you wouldn't, you would start with 10 pounds and then maybe 20 and then 30. So my point in saying that is, you'll start with maybe something the size of your finger mm-hmm <affirmative>. And then when that feels comfortable and good in your body, you'll go to two fingers.

And when it feels comfortable and good and your, then you go to three fingers and then you're working your way up to essentially the size of whatever it is you ultimately want to put in your body. So my point is, it's a slow experience. It's not something that's done overnight. It's not supposed to hurt. It's supposed to feel good. Mm. The second thing is lubricant spits, not lubes <laugh> yes. It's that. And no matter how many times you see somebody in porn like spit ALU, like it is not lube and that's not all they're using. So like lube blue, lube, lube, lube, like that's, I can't say it more slow and slippery. If you take nothing else from this conversation, <laugh> slow and slippery. And then as far as hygiene, the anal canal, how well, you know, your body, like, do you know your, uh, digestive system?

Well, you know that you poop every morning and you know that in the afternoon, like you don't poop. Like it's how well, you know, your body, but most folks feel really comfortable with, uh, squeaky clean internal rinse mm-hmm <affirmative>. And so how you achieve that, basically you take an en bulb and you fill it with warm water, just warm water. You don't put anything else in it. You lubricate the nozzle of the en you put that inside, say like, you know, an inch or two into your rectum. You squeeze the water in there. You let it sit for a minute. You'll feel the need to expel it, right? Like you have to go to the bathroom, you sit over the, to you, let warm water, go out. If there's a lot of stuff in there, you can repeat the process until the water is clean. And you wanna do that a minimum of 45 minutes to an hour before your anal play experience, because there's little folds in your anal canal, and sometimes water can get trapped in there. So you may have to like go to the bathroom a couple times and like, it'll just be water. So like, those are the things that most folks are doing to prepare their anal training. They're using lots of lubricant and they're doing an Nima 45 minutes to an hour before their play.

And when it comes to the different types of toys, do you recommend anything in particular for beginners that are just starting out and for those that are more advanced?

Yeah. So for beginners, I think the best place to start is a butt plug. That's about the size of your finger. Mm-hmm, <affirmative>, that's gonna be a pretty good place to start. And you just wanna like put it inside your body and feel how it feels get used to this and see if it's something you like, you don't have to like anal play, you know? So make sure it's something that like feels good in your body and get used to the sensation of having something go in versus out of your, but mm-hmm, <affirmative> I think for advanced players, I mean, obviously the Reming plug <laugh> right. You know, because that's something that's dual sensation. I think that's a really great product, especially cuz the remote control, I think the big snug plugs, if you've ever seen our weighted plugs, mm-hmm <affirmative> a lot of advanced players really enjoy the sensation of that heaviness inside their body. That pressure mm-hmm <affirmative>. So I think those would be my two recommendations

And you have some really amazing larger toys, a in the BVA range now. So what's the appeal of something that is deemed large. Like what's the appeal of something so big.

Well, you have to remember like different people have different sized bodies. Mm-hmm <affirmative>, you know, number one. So depending like on what your body size is, you might in general like something larger. And I also think it can be like a thing. It can be that that can be your thing that turns you on is that large size inside you, our bodies have an amazing capacity to, to stretch and, and make space for things mm-hmm <affirmative> and that pressure inside our body, or sometimes that length or that heaviness, the intensity a sensation can feel really good and our bodies get used to different sizes. So it's only natural to sort of graduate to the next one, if that's your thing. And

Because the anus is such a sensitive area, can you just talk a little bit more about the role of lubricant and perhaps like how to insert and remove a but plug safely?

Yeah. So lubricant again, like I can't say it enough, blue, blue, blue, like it, it really is that important. The best way that I can explain the sensation without lubricant is kind of like a rug burn, right? Rubbing dry skin against dry skin doesn't feel good. We don't like that. Yeah. Never feels good. So we want lots of lubricant, right? Like think of it like body massage, right. Massage feels really good when you have oil, right. Something to lubricate it. So the best way to insert and remove a plug is basically a 45 degree angle. So you wanna take a plug and say point up towards your belly button or D depending on what position you're lying in. Like mm-hmm, <affirmative> I always just say like 45 degree angle towards your belly button. Um, and that's actually gonna allow the plug to go in pretty easy instead of straightforward that I'd say it kind of has like squeegee effect, you know, because when you dip the plug down a little bit, actually kind of like just holds the anal Fiker open. It's really strong muscle. So if you just kind of hold that little, that little guy open <laugh> and then insert the plug at an angle, it actually goes in nice and smooth. And then when you're ready to get it out, you know, just kind of press your body as if you were say pooping, but do it about like halfway. And then the plug will come out very easily instead of pulling against it and trying to pull it out at the same time. So you need to relax as sort of my point mm-hmm

<affirmative> now people really freak out when I tell them that butt plugs and anal toys can actually travel up inside your body, if you don't have a suitable flared base. So can you talk to us a little bit about the sphincter of muscles and the flared base of toys and why they're so essential?

Yeah. So as we say, without a base, without a trace <laugh> mm-hmm, <affirmative>, you know, there's nothing that unlike the vaginal canal, right, that ends at the cervix, the digestive system, it just kind of keeps on going mm-hmm <affirmative> it can suck things in. So from that anal canal, which is like a storage area, anything that's in there can be sucked into the colon. And then <affirmative> that results in embarrassing visits to the emergency room. Mm-hmm <affirmative> so you need that base to prevent anything from traveling into your digestive system. A very simple rule is you want the base of a plug to at least be long as the widest point of the bulb that's going inside of you. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. So it's kind of the general rule and you don't want it to be very flexible because <laugh> believe it or not. When you're playing, you know, when you're playing and you're having a good time, things can fold in or move around. So the quality and design of your butt plug is actually really important. Mm-hmm <affirmative>

No bass, no trace. Exactly.

<laugh> sadly enough. Yeah.

<laugh> now how do you recommend people approach the topic of anal play with their partners or lovers? How can we talk about it?

So in general, anytime you wanna suggest a new item on your sex menu, <laugh> the best time to do it is outside the place where you have sex. So my point is saying in your bedroom, during your, or about during your sexy time, say, Hey, what about anal play? Mm-hmm <affirmative>, it's good to talk about that. Say, I don't know, over dinner <laugh> I know that sounds odd. Like <laugh> what about bud stuff? Like, you know, in the middle of dinner, but I think there's creative ways to bring it up and also to make it an invitation. So it could be something like, Hey, I read this article about anal play and I'm kind of interested in it. And I'm wondering if, if that's something you would be interested in too, or, you know, maybe printed out an article that you read or a product that you saw or going to a sex door together and mingling over to the anal play section, being like, Hey, I've always thought of trying. What about you? You know? So I think you have to invite your partner to play with you. I don't think you should demand it. That's something I've heard people do that really doesn't seem pleasant. Yeah. I think invitations of being creative about how you suggest is important.